The cookie told me so: The world is always ready to receive talent with open arms.

What have I been doing all week? Well, walking around listening to New Order...getting caught up on 4 years of sleep deprivation...reading...trying to figure out 'what's next'.

As long as I can remember I've always been in a rush, i.e. 'gotta get the fuck out of this town', 'gotta finish this degree', 'gotta get to my next job'. More more more, run run run. This fall I entered the real business/administrative, you know, I call it 'big girl', job world. It didn't take me long to realize that I was by far the youngest and more qualified than some in my office. But I also soon realized that being smart can, in some instances, hinder any kind of job security, and education doesn't matter if you're usurped by the fat lady with a baby who's in the union and you're not.

Lesson learned: I'm not a fan of office politics/ not going to play that game again anytime soon. I saw how quickly one can fall into playing the 'climb the ladder' game, how consuming this game it, how much bullshit you have to put up with do this, and how quickly months of hard work and playing along can dissolve into nothing.

So, I'm on strike...walking around for hours listening to New Order...trying to figure out 'what's next'.

I was discussing life goals with c at supper last night. He has just entered the corporate workplace to the max. It's not what he wants to do. He knows what he really wants to do: work on his favorite tv series in San Francisco doing research/engineering stuff. I could send them my resume, he said, but that would be crazy.

So I told him a story about last spring:

I was browsing concert listings in Montreal looking to take a trip. I saw Enon were playing, one of my favorite bands ever. My band had just finished recording our demo, decided on a name 'HOTSHOTROBOT'-taken from a Brainiac song, which was a band that included 1 of 3 enon members. We love Brainiac and Enon. Instantly I booked my ticket. I said to bassist Andrew, I have to give them our demo. It would be so cool. So I went to the show which was my favorite to date. Afterwards, I walked backstage. My friend Megs yelled behind me,

-Where are you going? You can't just go back there!

-Fuck it, I want to talk to them.

So I went backstage and gave them our demo and hung out for a couple of hours. And it was totally fun.

I told c, I haven't heard from Enon since (my email was in the demo case) but just meeting them and the chance they might have listened to my demo is cool enough for me.

Lesson learned: Sometimes doing something 'crazy' isn't so crazy after all. Nothing is really impossible as we make it out in our minds. Just do something. *That last statement was too close to a nike ad. I'm not being didactic, am I? Oh god, I am. I don't care. I'm self righteous and unemployed. Leave me be.*

Today I opened my email to find:

hey jen,
how's it going?
i can't remember if i wrote you or not yet. i'm sorry,
but i just found your cd again and wanted you to know
i listened to it. it's a good song! hopefully we can
come and play with you guys some time. what city do
you live in again? say hello to your group for us.
let me know, and happy new year!
matt
ENON/


Too cool.