DEAR CMAN,

Have you noticed something strange lately?

It seems that everything I write is, well, glaringly, inoffensive. Positive, even: cats, compliments. And, quite frankly, I'm beginning to annoy myself. So I'm sitting here trying to think of something critical to say, BUT I'VE GOT NOTHING. Oh, well that's not true (how could it be), but I can't seem to summon the energy to be insulting. This could be for a few reasons:

a) it's rainy
b) i'm too absorbed in my own projects to bash anyone else.

Even after a slew of hateful insults, I didn't "out" Mr. Anonymous, of a few weeks ago. It just seemed too easy.

Have I lost my bite?

And, what ever happened to Barq's, anyway?

That's not important, I guess.

But I do feel pretty removed from everything; I saw a donair kit at the grocery store and it reminded me of a story I told 2 months ago:

The Halifax scene is pretty much analogous to something that happened to me today:

I decided that I wanted a donair. I don't know why exactly, I hadn't had one in years. So I picked one up, started eating it and realized, 'fuck this is really quite terrible', but decided I'd better make the best of it since I didn't have any other food-due to the fact that it was rainy today when I wanted to go to the store. So I put it on a plate, which slid off the counter and the donair splattered all over the floor-EVERYWHERE! I was relieved that I didn't have to eat it anymore, but slightly annoyed that my clean floor was covered in donair.

Now, imagine that story as told by Ted Koppel.

Yours truly,
JMAN